this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
