Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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