and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
