When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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