even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
