I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
