Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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