Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
