I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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