My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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