Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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