Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
