Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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