Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
whose parrot is this?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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