bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just found a bag of teeth...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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