Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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