do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
