Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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