happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
