i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
