I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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