I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
