I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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