dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
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Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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