Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
