I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
