Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
