I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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