I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A+ Viking dick
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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