I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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