we're blogging at a bar
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
