see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
