the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
