Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize