I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
