are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You pole danced in your parka.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
