just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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