nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
