why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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