I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
