My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
