rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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