just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
