well I can't set my house on fire every night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize