My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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