do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
