WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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