....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
