My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
