I hope mine doesn't look like that
please come you make the beer taste better
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Houston, we have a blender
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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