Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
