i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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