i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
