If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
